A Little Checklist for Your Church: II Peter 3b

United in Purpose

What is your church's purpose? Could you even answer this question? And would your answer be the same as anyone else from your congregation? Now let me add another layer: Do all of the churches in your community have the same purpose? They should! And would all the respective members respond the same?

We're all messed up. We can't even describe the purpose of our church, and the definitions vary to a disturbing degree. We must have a purpose! And it must be agreed to by all!

Joined in Feeling

Do the same emotions run through your church body? Are we all happy together? Sad together? Do we have little twinges of delight at the news that some couple has filed for divorce?

Rudy Giuliani has a chapter in his book Leadership, called "Weddings Optional, Funerals Mandatory." Think about this. Is this the way your church operates? (And if this whole idea makes you a little angry, then you have proven that you and I, at least, are not joined in feeling!)

Full of Brotherly Love

Do you rejoice to see one another? Do you yearn to help others? Or are you too bothered with how much work you have to do, without any help, to germinate godly love towards the others in your church? If anger, tears, and even yelling, are common in your business meetings; if you have little splinter groups that get together to complain about the pastor or some other person in the church, then you are definitely lacking in brotherly love. Fix it!

Rich in Compassion

Does your church ache for the needy right down the street, or does "missions" to you mean passing a plate and sending a couple hundred dollars to Southeast Asia? But I believe Peter means for this to make us all a little uncomfortable. I think he goes beyond that, and wants us to be rich in compassion for each other! Yes, you may disagree with some choices that another person has made. But do you feel compassion for him, or her?

When you get in a situation that normally makes your blood boil, try compassion instead. Rather than be filled up with anger toward that other person, be like Christ. Realize that the other person is human like you are; fallible, not perfect. He or she would not deliberately do something to hurt you, insult you, or ignore you.

Replace your anger with compassion. We have enough anger and "toughness." Too many of you get your feelings hurt too easily. Compassion. Get some.

Humble of Spirit

Diogenes, the man who traveled the world over, in search of one honest man, could have been just as frustrated if he walked today, seeking a humble person.

What does it mean to be "humble"? You know the definition. It runs through your mind every time there is a sermon, or discussion, about humility. And you always see someone else in your mind when considering the need for us to become more humble.

But you need to look in the mirror. Are you humble? Do others think you're humble? If they could provide feedback to you, anonymously, with no fear of you getting your feelings hurt, what would they say?

You're not humble, but you need to be. It is a critical element in building God's Kingdom!

Not Paying Evil for Evil, or Slander for Slander

Someone is going to do, or say, the wrong thing, eventually, in your church. Count on it! But can you just let it go? Or will you run off as soon as you can, to spread the story to as many people as you can, about how so-and-so said or did this and that?

Every time someone hurts your feelings, or makes you mad, it's a test . . . a test you must pass! You don't feel like you're doing anything wrong! But everybody around you thinks you overreacted! Do you care what others think?

How is your walk with Christ? Is your church, or small group, growing? Can it be that you have stalled because you have corrupted the Gospel into something that you believe gives you the right to gossip?

For years, decades maybe, you have always worked on getting back to people that have inadvertently hurt you. Drop it! Be pleasant, be kind!

Giving Blessings

Make others happy. Make their lives easier. Show appreciation to them. But do this to, and for, all of them! Build your church up! Build up other believers! And start with those you find difficult to befriend! Bless others! Spread happiness!

People in the world today need help, lots of it. They are afraid to ask. There is always a catch. But they need help nevertheless. The help may be as simple as showing some real attention to others. Act like they matter.

They need to be able to come to the Church, without fear or dread. They should see a community of believers that behaves as Peter begged us to behave.

So, in the end let's have everyone united in purpose, joined in feeling, full of brotherly love, rich in compassion, humble of spirit, with no one repaying evil with evil or slander for slander, but giving blessings since you were called so that you could inherit a blessing.

First off: II Peter 3a

Peter wrote his two letters, as reminders to the Church. He urged us not to be distracted. And distractions are many, especially today, in the age of ADD (that's another topic - but my belief is that ADD is more a function of our culture, than it is an individual problem.)

A hundred years ago, most communities had two modes of entertainment: the saloon, and the church. You could focus your weekends on one or the other. And the two stood in stark opposition to each other.

At home, before there was TV and air conditioning, families would while away the evening hours on the porch, telling stories, passing along their faith and legacy from one generation to the next.

There wasn't a lot to do. But what people did do, was of enormous value.

First off, you need to know that in the last days, mockers are going to have a heyday.

So it is in these times. With so many distractions, change happening at such a rapid rate, the 24-7 news cycles, is it any wonder we find it hard to focus?

God knew it would get this way . . . He made us! Peter received a Word of inspiration from God, and communicated it to us in the form of this prophecy!

When I first studied this verse of Scripture, as an adult, it seemed like such a remote prospect: people openly mocking God and His Word! But it is true today. People mock Him not so much in their words, but in their deeds, as well. There is an open defiance of what is good, true, and right. In the West, the Church is in decline. The alternatives appear so much more fun!

So - be not discouraged when you see the world in decay, be it global warming, urban troubles, partisan hate . . . all of these matters need the Master's touch, and they require our patient attention. We need not accept the world as it is. But we can be encouraged that God said hard times would come . . . His Eternal Kingdom follows. Keep watching this space . . .

Let's Just Let The Word Speak For Itself: I Peter 2e

Christ suffered too, on your behalf

and left a tracing behind for you

so that you could follow his footsteps,

he who never did wrong,

nor did any deceit come out of his mouth,

who, when abuse was hurled, didn't hurl it back,

didn't answer suffering with threats,

but commended himself to the One who judges justly.

Thanks be to God for His wonderful gift.

Thank God for all of you, my friends.

Happy Thanksgiving.

The Role of Venting: I Peter 2d

In today's news, there is a report about the need for people to vent, at the workplace, if they feel they are being mistreated. A decade-long study followed several thousand men around, and determined that those who bottle up their feelings have an increased risk of heart disease.

In the study, the outcome of bottled up anger includes bringing the frustrations home, and blowing up at family members, which isn't good, either!

What do we do then, about the admonition from Scripture, that we take what we are dished, with a positive attitude?

Domestics are to mind their masters with all due respect, and not just if they're kindly and fair but even if they're less than upright.

Well, I think there is the potential to confuse what it means to respect someone. How should we respect our boss, when he or she is not being fair to us? How can we do this?

Well, the fact is, that you are going to vent. We need to vent, and other parts of Scripture bear this out! And as referenced above, the venting must not be done to family! But in turn, we must not vent at people that have nothing to do with our workplace!

No, since we must vent, then the only fair thing to do is to vent at the source of the frustration: we must vent at the boss, but find a way to do it that shows respect!

Gossiping and complaining about the boss to others, is not showing respect to the boss. The only way to respect any person with whom we have issues, is to take it up to that person directly. This is true respect. But here again, Scripture supports this view. God wants us resolving our differences with others! If we backbite and gossip, we resolve nothing, and make the problem worse, by bringing others into it! Yet as humans, we resort to this approach over and over again.

There is only one way to resolve issues, with anybody, but especially with your boss. You have to talk to him or her directly. Any other way does not show grace, and fails to build God's Kingdom.

Some Balance in a Partisan Era: I Peter 2c

It's hard to believe the degree to which partisans of opposing sides hate one another.

Let's do a little exercise. Take a moment right now, to pray. Really, do it. If only for a few seconds. Ask God to grant you the grace and wisdom to view others as Christ does. Ask for God to place His love directly in your heart at this moment. If you can look out a window at people passing by, then do so, and imagine the warmth that fills God's heart when He notices the same people.

Is there someone you are angry at? Pray that God removes your anger and permits you to forgive that person. You have to do this for the exercise to work!

Now imagine what Jesus must think when he looks at his flock. Whether someone is in prison, or unemployed, or sick, or divorced, or orphaned . . . whatever the case. Think about the compassion he feels for all of us and try to get the same into your heart, just now.

Ready?

Now say the following out loud:

"I can't stand . . . " And finish the sentence with the name of a person.

Imagine you're a Democrat. Say "I can't stand Sarah Palin." If you're a Republican, say out loud "I can't stand Nancy Pelosi."

If you are truly seeing these two people, humans just like the rest of us, as God does, then you cannot possibly say that you "can't stand" them. "Can't standing" is the same as hating. And God has called us not to hate, but rather to love, others.

If you're like me, and you have prayed and checked your own human emotions, the phrase "I can't stand" might feel like a swear word to you. It has an ugly sound, and does not roll easily off the tongue. I feel I should speak it quietly, lest God Himself hear me say it! Perhaps I'll clear my throat after saying it. Maybe I'll apologize to those around me, for letting slip such a terrible string of words, in public! Best yet, maybe they'll take it as a joke, and laugh! Or perhaps they'll "know what I mean!"

Nancy Pelosi and Sarah Palin are people just like you and me. And they happen to have been placed in positions of authority . . . by Who? Yes, by God Himself.

Give honor to all: love brotherhood, fear God, respect the king.

You can hate the laws Nancy Pelosi passes. You can hate Sarah Palin's views. Chances are you will find something about me, or your best friend, or your spouse, or your children, that you hate.

But you must not hate the person!

Learn how to "stand" others. God requires it.

Dealing with "Others": I Peter 2b

In one breath, Peter speaks about taming our passions, and acting nice toward others.

This is it. When we behave monogamously, are virgins until marriage, practice heterosexuality, refrain from gambling, avoid drunkenness, use clean language only, act with highest ethics in the workplace, act friendly to the unpopular, attend church regularly, read our Bibles and pray, stay in good physical condition, and generally stay away from any cultural influence that may distract us from the Risen Christ - people will hate us.

Their hate for us will soon turn into defining us as evil, ("Hate is not a family value," anyone?). Nobody wants to be thought of as "bad" or "evil." Even Hitler thought he was "good." But since we are holding up a standard that does not seem fun, or like "really living" to them, they must make it so that they are the "good" ones. If they can only make us out as the evil ones, then all they have to do is get further and further from Christ, to become the good ones in the equation. And all that takes is being natural. If it feels good, do it. Easy.

Your behavior towards other peoples should be good, so that just as they're denouncing you as evildoers they may take a look at what good you do and end up praising God on the judgment day.

Please do not be judgmental. When you do, you're messing things up! That person whose dress code you do not like, the young man with pierced ears and tattoos, the girls dressed in goth, whatever a person's particular brand of defiance or style; when you offend them, you drive them away from the Church, you deflect them from Christ.

You do not have to do those things. But you also do not have to look down on those that do.

The world is going to extremes these days, to get us all worked up. They love when we judge them. It only proves their point, that we are not as nice as we claim to be. But we have to put up with all their excesses, let it not derail us! We must prove that, however far over the edge they go, God's love can still go further.

And like it or not - we are the instruments that demonstrate God's love to them.

A Topic That Needs Constant Replenishment: I Peter 1c thru 2a

I feel like, in these blogs (my decade of reading through the Bible), that I have overdone the topic of controlling our tongues. But if the Apostles wrote about it so much in the Epistles, shouldn't we keep reminding ourselves of it?

When formulating some words in your mouth, either to say to someone, or in response to them, do you ever consider whether or not it is a good thing to say? Will it make the other person uncomfortable? Is it some teasing remark that the other is not in the mood to hear right now? Do you harbor some ill intent in your tone? Is there any jealousy at all, in your motives? Are you about to come across as judgmental?

Will the other person be happy, in just a few moments, that he or she happened to cross paths with you?

If you cannot answer these questions in a positive sense, one that would elevate God in the situation, one that will build people up and send them off in a better mood, then perhaps you should just keep your mouth shut.

I believe I may have come up with the quote: "Better to say nothing with a frown, than the wrong thing with a smile."

The more I think about it, the more I don't get teasing.

"If I didn't love you, I wouldn't give you a hard time." Oh really? Then why do others avoid you? Why do they forbear speaking to you? We disguise our insecurities and malice in something that Sinclair Lewis calls "rude politeness," a behavior found mostly in the American Midwest.

The problem is, that most of the people I have come across, that do a lot of teasing (also known as "smart remarks," "wisecracks," etc.), do not like to be teased themselves.

You tease people inappropriately, and do not even known it. You're so used to it, you think it is normal.

Ask yourself this: was there anybody this morning, that when you saw them the first time, you did not say, "Good morning," with a smile? If not, then chances are you missed an opportunity to make another person feel good about the day. It's even worse if that person tried to say something nice to you, and you still smarted off at them.

If it makes you uncomfortable, or embarrassed, or if you are just protecting yourself from teasing that might come in your direction, I'm sorry. You still made the other person feel bad. You still failed.

Then put away all evil and trickery and pretense and envy and speaking evil, and be like newborn babes longing for genuine, undoctored milk that will make you grow toward salvation, "if you have tasted how good the Lord is."

Put away all of it. All of it. ALL. Put away even the part that you think is normal. Did Christ tease others, or was he careful about building them up? Was he good at understanding how others would respond to his remarks? Don't we feel better when we have encountered the Lord? Isn't it nice to know someone that will not say "Well, what are you doing over here in my church? Hahaha!"

I have known only two people that are true masters in the art of playful teasing. There does not seem to be any malice, and in a roundabout way they are actually saying something good about you:

My Uncle Arnold Darr. His teasing may come across as rather harsh and biting. But listen. First, he is uniquely funny. Most of you try to tease, but you're not funny so it doesn't work. And Uncle Arnie manages to make the teasing about some good quality. He actually is pointing this out.

The other is my brother-in-law Don Heller. He specializes in teasing children. But he always has a smile. His tone is gentle. And he does not tease them personally. He teases the situation, makes light of it. They know that he is kidding, and they are glad he has noticed them.

Both of them are genuine. They are being themselves. It comes easy to them.

Others attempt to tease as Arnie and Donnie do. But they are not being themselves. They are imitators, and it does not come across as natural. It doesn't work.

The rest of us need to specialize in gentle, positive, warm comments to one another. Talk to each other as Christ would.

The world is desperately short of that kind of talk.

Control Yourself: I Peter 1b

I marvel that the modern Church, and the world in general, has failed to grasp the simplicity of self-control and personal mastery.

When you boil it all down, what God really wants from us, is to learn to control ourselves. I believe that humans would do anything, from the absurd to the horrible, if we could get away with it. Even atheists keep themselves in check, out of fear of the unknown. There isn't an atrocity any one of us wouldn't commit, if the conditions were right, and we could.

This is because God made us as children that must grow and mature. If we were good enough, righteous enough, and self-controlled enough, then immortality would be an easy gift for us. God desires for us to be good, and He wants us to live forever. But you cannot have everlasting evil. Yes, God is loving and this is why there is death.

Our animal desire to harm others is based on our inborn lack of self-control, and our natural narcissistic tendencies. We have even created religions that sound inspired enough, but in their acceptance of terrorism and silly rituals are the antithesis of what God wants for us.

All these rules that God gave us, these commandments and "thou shalt nots" are a training regimen to teach us self-control. Let us not envy or steal - therefore control our hunger so that we are not tempted to do wrong. Let us not commit adultery, so that our children may grow up in homes that model fidelity and devotion. Let us not lie, so that others do not build up resentment against us.

We live in a culture that says you should get all you can. If you are not getting sex in some form or another (any which way you can) then you are not normal; indeed, you are a freak if you are not getting some kind of sex. And we have made it so that any kind of sexual behavior is not only within the limits, but a good thing. But God says, "control yourself!"

It is a good thing to check our passions.

Be like obedient children, no longer shaped by the passions of your former ignorance.

We provide limits to our children, so that they can learn self-control.

But we remove limits on ourselves. In the end, we have made a culture where you are allowed to do anything you want, and the outcome is rage when you are denied. Rather than commending a young man for remaining a virgin until marriage, we mock him instead. Is it any wonder our young men go crazy, shooting up innocent bystanders?

We tell parents that they are owed a fun and wealthy life. They go for the money, through their careers; and for the fun, through divorce. Is it any wonder their children are angry?

Control yourself! Our appetites are many, and God made these rules so that we could practice mastery over ourselves.

The Long Wait: James 5c thru I Peter 1a

How long has it been since the world began awaiting the return of Christ? Two thousand years?

Or if you were Enoch from the Book of Genesis - your wait is twice that, at least! Thousands, and thousands of years . . . this is how long we have waited.

Some lose hope. The wait is too long for them. They become dispirited, and many fall away.

One of my elders, a person that had been raised in the belief that Jesus was coming soon - even in her lifetime - once admitted to me that she no longer looked for the return of Christ. She did not believe it would happen in her lifetime. She said that, immediately following World War II, many people thought that would be the end, but it wasn't. When Israel became a nation, that would be it. The Cuban Missile Crisis was expected to be the harbinger of Christ's return, but it wasn't.

Vietnam, urban riots, Watergate, Iran Hostage Crisis, Gulf War I, Clinton's Presidency, etc., etc. We get our hopes up, and they get disappointed, over, and over, and over, again.

"It has been so long, so very long," we think. And it gets easy to believe that Jesus will never come back. Maybe we have been mislead.

But how long has it been, really?

You never saw Jesus Christ, but you love him; and still without seeing him you believe in him and are delighted with an inexpressible and exalted joy to be garnering the salvation of your souls that is the object of your faith.

Peter did see Jesus Christ - he lived and ministered with him for three years. He got to know the Lord, as a personal friend, more intimately than any other human that ever lived. He encourages these early believers, that never did see, and never would see (in this life), our Lord.

These are people that never saw Jesus, but were personally acquainted with Simon Peter, who did. As Peter wrote and encouraged them, so he writes to us. He might as well have been writing to us. He was writing to us.

I am turning the corner to my fiftieth year. That is one half of a century. My life now covers one-fortieth of the time between Peter and today.

My grandmother died two months ago, at the age of 96. Ninety-six years prior to her birth, James Madison was President. She could remember things that happened in the 1910s, ninety years ago. Her life was one-twentieth of the time between Peter and today. In eternity, following Christ's return, we will be able to line up 20 people whose lives intersected, and that span the time of Peter until today. I can walk a quarter mile from my house and find 20 people to say "hello" to, and it wouldn't even take a half hour.

I have clear memories from 1962, 1964, 1970, 1978, 1984 . . . and they seem as if they only happened a year ago, or even yesterday.

How long, really, has the world waited?

We are just like the people Peter wrote to. From then until today, 1,950 years of separation, is nothing. We are but a blip in the span of Eternity. And God has placed the sense in our memories, that time passes quickly, to instruct us that truly we are here only briefly.

We are to focus on today, on now, on this instant. And Eternity is really nothing more nor less, than never-ending now.

Peter was there. He did see, and touch, Christ. And he wrote a first-hand account to the Church. He wrote them to people he knew. The testimony was true and reliable. He wrote to them, and us, and it is just like we were there reading his letter at its first opening.

Answered Prayer? Maybe This is Critical: James 5b

A Christian will make a daily habit out of prayer. As we grow, we learn to pray frequently, and to pray in diverse ways.

We believe in answered prayer. I, and you, have experienced the miraculous. We have felt the joy of God saying "yes", and we know the discouragement of God saying "no."

If you are like me, you may even be acquainted with the pain of God granting you your request, when it is something you should never have desired. God is like any parent. He may relent at times, to teach you a lesson.

But James illustrates the power of prayer, by reviewing the story of Elijah. The prophet prayed for it not to rain, and it didn't, for three and a half years! Later, when Elijah prayed for rain, it came forth abundantly.

Why do we not have instances like that? Where are the modern manifestations of Red Sea-like miracles?

Well, it could be that we need to fast. Perhaps we are not living as holy and pure as we ought. Maybe we need to heal the divisions among us, so that we can pray in unity.

So admit to each other what you've done wrong, and pray for each other to be healed.

The best lessons from Scripture are the hardest ones. James basically advises us not to be phonies. This passage will come up in Bible studies, over and over again. But the part about admitting our wrongs to one another will get glossed over, or ignored completely, what, ninety-nine times out of a hundred?

Here is authenticity. Genuine faith attends the truly penitent. Take off your masks. Be open and true to one another. Be yourself. Admit what you have done wrong.

I was musing over this, and thought about some people with whom I have been estranged. I know myself better than anybody, and I know that the way for the estrangement to be removed, would be for that person simply to admit what he or she did to alienate me. I don't even think they need to apologize. Just say: "What I did was wrong." or "I know you do not approve of this, that, or the other, and I respect your feelings about it."

That alone would remove all the hard feelings. Just admit that you know what you did, or are doing. Say it, that's all.

But the secret is, that I have to admit the same to the others.

"Admit". What a hard word!

And this is all God wants. Just admit it. Say it.

And then . . . then . . . perhaps the floodgates of Heaven would be opened, and God's grace flow as never before!

Have You Had Enough of It? I Have: James 4 thru 5a

I had an experience recently, that made me feel as though I was rotting from the inside. I've been working on checking my thoughts, and words, and reactions to others. I've prayed about this. I've attempted to be on my guard.

I learned a long time ago to recognize harmful behaviors on the part of other professing believers. It is always easier to see others' faults before our own. Perhaps that is good. It's how we learn to recognize gossip, bitterness, envy, strife.

But now that you can see it in others, the next step is to turn it back on yourself.

Back to my recent experience . . . I was with a group of other Christians, and in the course of the discussion someone shared some troubles that he had been going through. But in doing so, I found myself thinking that this person was making more out of it than was merited. Another comment was offered, where we learned that someone in our group was about to make a lot more money than I am, for the same type of work. I became angry, envious. I got quiet in this group of dear friends.

But I tried to notice what was going on in myself. And the more I thought about it, prayed inwardly about it, the more rotten I felt.

Out of such innocent beginnings, is laid the seeds of discord and division.

Come on, people! Aren't you tired of your envy, your hate, your gossip? Haven't you had it with conversations among "Christians," that are full of poison directed at others?

Can you go into a Christian setting, and last even a half hour, without hearing something hurtful said about, or to, another person?

Do you belong to a mostly Christian family, where conversation at family events always morphs into gripe sessions? Do you ever drop your defenses enough, for it to make you sick?

What does God think when He observes such behavior?

Don't gripe about each other, brothers and sisters, so you won't face judgement for it.

We have prayer campaigns. We fast. We give up things for Lent.

How about covenanting with one another, to stop our griping, our complaining, our gossiping, our backbiting, our envy and jealousy? Let's hold each other accountable. Can we go a day, or even an hour, without saying something negative about another?

And I am counting teasing little taunts (all in fun) as negative! How about warm, uplifting words that make others feel good?

Do it On an Angle: James 3

Okay, so I have been looking for an opportunity to blog this concept for years. Finally, in the Epistle of James, we get to talk squarely about our behavior.

Our behavior . . . that is, all of which can be boiled down to what comes out of our mouths. You can be full of good works, good ideas, even good results. But that all can be ruined by what you say. You can destroy years of preparation and effort by making one unwise remark to someone else. And retrieving an ill-advised remark, as someone once said, can be like casting to the wind, the contents of a feather pillow, and then trying to restore all of the feathers back to the pillow. It can't be done. Much damage comes from your mouth.

This morning, I was reminded of this in a 6th grade classroom. A teacher had a poster on the board, that said, "If you always tell the truth, you'll never have to remember what you said." I heard this first, years ago, when Jay Leno made the comment in regard to Hillary Clinton's comment that she could not recall what was said about the Whitewater scandal.

I would venture to say that, a great majority of what we say in the course of a day, should not be said. If you even stop yourself before talking, and think "Should I say this?" chances are you should not say it. And most of what we say is probably harmful - we are just so used to saying whatever we want, that we no longer think of it as harmful.

A good acquaintance of mine has to make some remark about almost everyone she sees, or whose name comes up in conversation. It will always be about how the person looks, or what the other person believes. Often, the tone is mocking. You plant an idea in someone else's mind about how someone else looks "funny," or "strange," or "old," or "awful," and you have planted a seed that will surely germinate. You have spread your demeaning attitude to someone else. Like a virus, it grows.

As a church music director, one that leads the congregation in praise and worship, I have to be careful what I say, or think. And I wish others would be careful about that as well. You should not plant gossipy, or harmful, or hateful thoughts into the minds of others, especially those that are charged with leading the flock.

Whereas wisdom from above is first of all decent; besides that, it's peace-loving, reasonable, willing to go along, full of compassion and good results, steady of purpose and sincere.

My Dad has a refrain, when it comes to handiwork around the house. The solution to every problem, be it installing some equipment, repairing a machine, fixing a leak, driving a nail or turning a screwdriver, is to "do it on an angle." You can even say to him "do it on an angle," and he'll treat you like you're a genius the rest of the day. He is talking about handling a tool so that you get maximum leverage.

Why don't we do our relationships "on an angle"? Using our mouth wisely, we can create better leverage over the well-being of others. We can make them feel better. We can encourage them. We can lead them closer to Christ. But the mouth, according to James, has great leverage. The tongue, though small, is the most influential organ in your entire body.

If those around us are happy; if Christ is primary in your home; if you are getting good results with your family and friends, then chances are you have tamed your tongue. You are leveraging the goodness of good and wise words. You are living your life "at an angle."