The Reproach I Dread

 When you’ve been punished for doing what’s right, even God’s kindness feels risky.

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Turn away the reproach which I dread, because your judgments are good.

— From Psalm 119

There’s a kind of fear that’s hard to explain unless you’ve lived it:
The fear of doing right… and getting punished anyway.

The Psalmist calls it “the reproach I dread.” And for those who’ve been there — not once, but again and again — it doesn’t feel like fear, exactly. It feels like expectation. You start bracing for it. You begin to assume that any honest question, any act of integrity, any gentle refusal to go along with something wrong… will come back to bite you.

You’re not paranoid. You’ve just learned how the world often works.

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I once had a manager who, without fail, made me feel that any email from him would contain criticism. All caps. CC’d higher-ups. Cold language. No matter the outcome or results, I was the one he vented toward. At the time, I chalked it up to me being a convenient target — someone who wouldn’t punch back. In hindsight, I see it more clearly: many people resent those who simply walk with peace.

It’s not that they want to destroy you. But your steady presence… convicts them. And instead of letting it soften them, they lash out.

So yes — I dread reproach.
Not because I’m fragile, or avoidant.
But because I’ve learned that doing right doesn’t protect you from being shouted down.

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And this is why the Psalmist adds:

“…because your judgments are good.”

We trust God’s correction because we’ve seen what human judgment looks like.
We trust God’s discipline because we know it’s not laced with ego, or insecurity, or performance management. We trust God's mercy because we’ve been mocked in the absence of it.

When we finally submit ourselves — heart, mind, ego, opinions — to God’s direction, it’s not because He’s scary. It’s because He’s the only one left who isn’t cruel.

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In a culture flooded with sarcasm, snark, and a defensive refusal to admit fault, this verse holds space for the soft-hearted:

“Turn away the reproach I dread.”

Not, “keep me from being challenged.”
Not, “make me always right.”
But simply: “Be different, God. Be kinder than the rest.”

And He is.

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📖 Reflectionary is still on the move… just a little slower than planned.

• Through August 31, posts appeared here on Blogger.

• Starting in September (eventually, hopefully), Reflectionary: The Word and the Real World will also be available on Substack, alongside the deeper narrative project 45 Winters.

• We’re working through a few profile setup kinks — but soon, the two will walk side by side.

Thank you for reading — and for walking this with me. 🌿