Restless

Search me out, O God, and know my heart; try me and know my restless thoughts.

 - From Psalm 139

In recent times, I have reverted to younger days, childhood days, when at bedtime I needed a nightlight on, in the hallway, and the door slightly cracked. I have kept a dim light on overnight. The blinds are pulled. I close and latch the windows so that even the sweet night air, that I have always loved, does not enter my room while I am sleeping.

The slightest sound may awake me. Creaks in the house, to which I had long since become accustomed, awaken me. Before sunrise, I wake up, and begin my day. I want to be fast into my routine, while it is yet dark.

In troubled times, darkness is fearful. Evil always lurks in the shadows. Crime thrives, in the midnight hour. The world seems never to sleep, and a restless world is a dangerous world.

Our thoughts go wild. We imagine extreme cases. We prepare for the worst-case scenario and pretend it's realistic. We expect to be unprepared when violence strikes. Our worst fears will come true! We will be proven right!

But God knows every thought crossing our mind. If a computer can keep track of so much, so can God. We are able to let God inside our spirit, and our minds, to begin cleaning things up. By letting God in, we also are inviting Him to put us to the test. A cleansing always follows a period of challenge, and of agitation.

Night and Day are the same to God. Black and white. Dark and light. No difference.

Imagine living in such a realm. There are no shadows for evil to hide behind. Masks are ineffectual, for the light permeates everywhere. Thoughts are known. Secrets are no longer hid. You must act right, because you will be found out readily, if you don't.

The child, afraid of the dark, is soothed by the presence of even a little light. God removes the need for both darkness and light.

In recent weeks, my night dreads have faded away and I am getting back to normal. I am sleeping more restfully, which means I am better equipped to awaken suddenly, if necessary.

No matter what the world hands us, we should always be moving towards attitudes and behaviors that, if people didn't know any better, would be as thought it were high noon and we had nothing to fear./ Nor did we have anything to hide.