Others (of)

Let each of you look not to your own interests, but to the interests of others. 

 - From Philippians 2

In 2020, there's a fine line that divides self-interest from the interests of others. How do we know whether or not a person is motivated by a true altruistic desire to help the needy, or a carnal, infantile plea: "Notice me!"

"Notice me."

I first started taking, well, "notice" of this concept after my own kids were born. Certain of their close relatives would do a thing, when they would try out something new, or demonstrate awareness of others. These relatives would feign the baby communicating: "Mama, notice me!" or "Daddy, notice me!"

It's a sense of empathy that a grandparent, or aunt might have - - - that a highly-dependent and rather helpless baby has one overriding need: to be noticed. We all want to be noticed. When we do something that expresses our talents, or interests, we want to be noticed. Even the shyest among us. We want to matter. 

A person holding up a sign that says "Black Lives Matter" wants to be noticed for it. Yes, this is my observation. They first want you to notice them, and then they want you to notice the theme of the movement. I doubt that we do much that isn't driven first by a fundamental need to be noticed. And, actually, that's a good thing. Whatever motivates us to do good, must be good. 

But let's not lose sight of this primal motivator: We want others to notice us. 

This is what the idea of "virtue signaling" is all about. 

Oh, you're only doing that because you want people to think you're good. 

It is a driving force in our lives. In time, it does decrease. Old people actually are more focused on others (which is why we should revere them, and follow their example). 

And young people are more focused on themselves. 

I have a friend on social media. I have known her since Middle School. We were very close friends in high school. Thanks to Facebook, we reconnected. Thanks to Facebook, a great wedge has come between us. 

One time, she posted, to one of my retorts: "Why do you always argue? Why can't you just acknowledge what I said?" 

This was cutting. It was true. I started trying to affirm my friends more, even if I disagreed with the point they made. Friends are more important than most ideas. 

Looking out for the interests of others isn't the same as agreeing with a sweeping concept "Wear a mask to protect others." There is a long list of exceptions to that rule, which are not addressed in the talking point. 

The interests of others is something to apply in the most awkward way - - - to the others around you, and close to you. Being kind to them. Not condemning them with some labeling of them as "The Other." That other person is not wearing a mask! So what? They are still human. They still are doing the best they can! 

What if it just isn't in their make-up to wear a mask? Keep your mask on. Keep your distance! But keep treating them as a human, with respect and dignity. 

Get to know them . . . . This always turns out better.