Originally posted Saturday, November 21, 2009
I feel like, in these blogs (my two decades of reading through the Bible), that I have over-emphasized the topic of controlling our tongues. But if the Apostles wrote about it so much in the Epistles, shouldn't we keep reminding ourselves of it?
When formulating some words in your mouth, either to say to someone, or in response to them, do you ever consider whether or not it is a good thing to say? Will it make the other person uncomfortable? Is it some teasing remark that the other is not in the mood to hear right now? Do you harbor some ill intent in your tone? Is there any jealousy at all, in your motives? Are you about to come across as judgmental?
Will the other person be happy, in just a few moments, that he or she happened to cross paths with you?
If you cannot answer these questions in a positive sense, one that would elevate God in the situation, one that will build people up and send them off in a better mood, then perhaps you should just keep your mouth shut.
I believe I may have come up with the quote: "Better to say nothing with a frown, than the wrong thing with a smile."
The more I think about it, the more I don't get the practice of teasing.
"If I didn't love you, I wouldn't give you a hard time." Oh really? Then why do others avoid you? Why do they forbear speaking to you? We disguise our insecurities and malice in something that Sinclair Lewis called "rude politeness," a behavior found mostly in the American Midwest.
The problem is, that most of the people I have come across, that do a lot of teasing (also known as "smart remarks," "wisecracks," etc.), do not like to be teased themselves.
You tease people inappropriately, and do not even know it. You're so used to it, you think it is normal.
Ask yourself this: was there anybody this morning, that when you saw them the first time, you did not say, "Good morning," with a smile? If not, then chances are you missed an opportunity to make another person feel good about the day. It's even worse if that person tried to say something nice to you, and you still smarted off at them.
If it makes you uncomfortable, or embarrassed, or if you are just protecting yourself from teasing that might come in your direction, I'm sorry. You still made the other person feel bad. You still failed.
Then put away all evil and trickery and pretense and envy and speaking evil, and be like newborn babes longing for genuine, undoctored milk that will make you grow toward salvation, "if you have tasted how good the Lord is."
Put away all of it. All of it. ALL. Put away even the part that you think is normal. Did Christ tease others, or was he careful about building them up? Was he good at understanding how others would respond to his remarks? Don't we feel better when we have encountered the Lord? Isn't it nice to know someone that will not say "Well, what are you doing over here in my church? Hahaha!"
I have known only two people that are true masters in the art of playful teasing. There does not seem to be any malice, and in a roundabout way they are actually saying something good about you:
My Uncle Arnold Darr. His teasing may come across as rather harsh and biting. But listen. First, he is uniquely funny. Most of you try to tease, but you're not funny so it doesn't work. And Uncle Arnie manages to make the teasing about some good quality. He actually is pointing this out.
The other is my brother-in-law Don Heller. He specializes in teasing children. But he always has a smile. His tone is gentle. And he does not tease them personally. He teases the situation, makes light of it. They know that he is kidding, and they are glad he has noticed them.
Both of them are genuine. They are being themselves. It comes easy to them.
Others attempt to tease as Arnie and Donnie do. But they are not being themselves. They are imitators, and it does not come across as natural. It doesn't work.
The rest of us need to specialize in gentle, positive, warm comments to one another. Talk to each other as Christ would.
The world is desperately short of that kind of talk.
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